SpongeBob grew up in my house

spongbob

A few weeks ago I stood in my driveway, minding my own business.  I was pouring old gas out of my lawnmower, if you must know.  My enjoyment of the fumes was interrupted by a pothead wearing a sweet jean jacket.  Walking up my driveway with an excited look on his face, he blurted, “John, is this your house?”.  It’s a small town, so yeah, he knew my name.  “You’ll never guess who grew up in your house”, he raved.  Then pausing for emphasis, he slowly enunciated, “Vincent Waller”.  Disappointed by the blank expression on my face he explained, “Vincent Waller is the creative director, sometimes technical director, and writer of SpongeBob SquarePants!”.  The potman went on to explain that he used to play in a jug band with Mr. Waller, etc, etc, etc, etc.

So there’s that.  Every day I breathe trace amounts of SpongeBob’s DNA.  ****Update**** Apparently Mr. Waller was born and raised in Texas.  Random potheads walking down the street are poor sources of information.

When I hear a song I like, I listen to it 30-40 times in a row until I’m sick of it.  As a result, I have a large collection of mp3’s that I never want to hear again.  The last two days I’ve listened only to this song.  I imagine that I’m sitting around a campfire with my friends.  We’ve all brought guitars, and we’re taking turns playing and singing.  It’s my turn, and I’m playing this one.

There are a few issues with this scenario:

  1. I only have a couple of friends.
  2. The don’t play guitar.
  3. They’re not really into camping.

Comments (10)

CarolineFBMay 6th, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Another random Pittsburgh connection. A few things:

1. Nice photoshop job.
2. Spongebob looks like swiss cheese and not a sponge.
3. Thank you for more useless knowledge.

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NoiseMay 6th, 2010 at 1:57 pm

That song sucks as much as camping.

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oldmanneill Reply:

you sir, are mistaken.

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Vincent WallerMay 6th, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I wish I grew up in such a nice house. That porch looks like a grand place to sit and wave at passersby.

I was born and raised in Texas.
I never played in a Jug Band, but this other Vincent Waller seems to have a fun life. I’m a little jealous.

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oldmanneill Reply:

that’s the last time i listen to a random pothead walking down the street…

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Brian NeillMay 7th, 2010 at 12:21 pm

I always thought SpongeBob, himself, was a pothead. Or maybe that was Ren and Stimpy. I have a John Neill cousin who lives in Virginia. He didn’t live in SpongeBob’s house either.

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MargiMay 8th, 2010 at 4:53 am

Or maybe you were just overcome by gas fumes and imagined the whole encounter…..

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oldmanneill Reply:

You ma’am, are mistaken.

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kimMay 11th, 2010 at 4:52 am

Wow – the Real Vincent Waller showed up at your blog and wrote a comment! Since you guys are now friends, (well, why not?) maybe he would agree to rewriting a little personal history. Maybe you could get a historical marker or something and get on the Pittsburgh tourist route? If you didn’t want to bend the truth you could at least say that a guy named “Vincent Waller” once lived here. Nice house, by the way.

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oldmanneill Reply:

Yep, me and Real Vinny Waller go way back now. We’ll probably quit our jobs and start a dope fueled jug band. Oh wait, I don’t have a job.

Thank you, it is a nice house. People can say what they want about my adopted city, but it’s got the best housing stock of any (semi) major American city.

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