The Violent Game™

I’ve been asked to detail The Violent Game™.  My school was a “smart kids” school.  Michelle Obama went there.  She’s reasonably smart.  Check out my blackboard.  Look at all that smart Math! 

Wow, a White Sox t-shirt.  Not the most professional attire.  I have to wonder if the photo was staged.  The student (Lily) is Asian.  Why is she asking me a question?  Aren’t all Asians Math wizards?

Ok, The Violent Game™.  Since teenagers are too cool for “fun”, you gotta cut through that cool crap with a bribe.  Each member of the winning Violent Game™ team receives 1% added to their quarter grade.  Who’s too cool for that action?  Yeah, no one.

Teams are formed, Gym-class style.  I pick 6 captains.  Everyone else stands up.  One by one the smarties are greedily picked, until a handful of dim jocks and slackers are left standing.  At this point I lecture them, “Now I’m not saying that you need to work harder at Math, but your peers have judged you to be deficient in your Mathematical knowledge.”

Here’s where the violence comes in:

Note the circuitous route to the blackboard.  The race to write answers on the blackboard rapidly degenerates into full contact skirmishes.  One time two girls simultaneously crashed into my heavy wooden podium, shattering it into fragments.  That was a sad day.  I loved that podium.  It made me feel important.  I could pound on it, or say stupid stuff like, “You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you all here today.”

Well, that’s The Violent Game™.  We only played it twice per year.  Any more, and I probably would have been fired.  You can check out more of my teaching antics here.