Forget the career advice.  First teach Johnny how to dress.

As you can see, I had problems.  Now picture me crammed into my parents station wagon with three of my six siblings.  They’re all way older than me…teenagers and beyond.  Bored, one of them asks, “Hey Johnny, whatcha gonna be when you grow up?”.  I was prepared for that question.  I knew exactly what I wanted to be.  Brimming with confidence, I declared: “You know the guy that collects the carts at the grocery store and pushes the carts back into the store?  That’s what I’m gonna be.”  Silence.  The words hung in the air for a few seconds.  Everyone lowered their eyes, while my brother mumbled something like, “No Johnny, you really don’t want to do that”.  Nobody said anything for the rest of the trip.  No one expected much from Johnny after that.

My mom used to send someone to the grocery store every day.  One day Mom got the bright idea to send Johnny.  Keep in mind, I was only six, and this was the city of Chicago.  She gave me a five dollar bill and a grocery list.  Safety aside, there’s a reason you don’t send a six year old to the store.  I lost the $5.  She didn’t expect much from Johnny after that.  Suckers!