One Friday night I couldn’t sleep. It was spring, and my bedroom window was open. Below me, 200 revelers were throttling their liver. I was invited, but work started at 6am, and I was determined to get some sleep. The drunks got louder. The more desperately I tried to sleep, the more pissed off I got.
When I was a kid, I used to shoot hairspray through a flame. It’s good for a 2-3 foot torch. Having given up on sleep, I thought it would be nice to scare a few drunks by shooting a flame out the window. Not finding hair spray, I settled for an aerosol can of starting fluid (ether). Tired, and not thinking clearly, I figured it was all the same. Just below my screen, drunk girls with big hair were jabbering away. As I lit the match, a thought crossed my mind…what if ether was stronger than hair spray? Screw it, I thought…if it blows up, at least I’ll be put out of my misery. I pressed the spray button for half a second. A 20-30 foot fireball shot out of my windowscreen. The big haired chicks screamed in horror. The fireball hovered in a tree for awhile, and then disappeared as quickly as it had come. Meanwhile, all hell broke loose downstairs. Judgment day had come. An angry God had sent fire down from heaven purging the dissipation and debauchery. Within 10 minutes, the apartment below was completely empty. I slept peacefully for what was left of the evening.