Strange factors shaped my life.  My 7th through 10th grade schools had amazing extra-curricular programs.  Yet I can count on my hands the number of times I stuck around after school.  In high school, the basketball coach told me I would start for varsity if I spent a month practicing with him.  I declined his offer.  There were two reasons.

The first reason is odd.  I didn’t figure it out until recently.  I’m hypoglycemic.  Simply put, I was too hungry to stay after school.  Pack a second lunch?  The 1st peanut butter and jelly sandwich tasted bad enough.

The second reason is more bizarre.  I was addicted to the world’s dumbest radio show.  Two complete dopes named Steve Dahl and Garry Meier talked about absolutely nothing for 4 1/2 hours every day.  They’re credited with inventing “shock radio”.  The only thing shocking about them was how dumb they were.  Yet I was beyond addicted.  It made me crazy to miss the first half hour of every show.  The show started at 2:30.  I got home at 3:00.  Missing another hour was out of the question.

What did they talk about?  Mostly technical junk about running a radio show.  They would play two commercials in the wrong order, and then discuss the problem for an hour.  Contract disputes with management were openly aired for days on end.  During the show, they would teach an intern how to do his job.  Tick, tick tick…hours went by…show over.

Yet they raised me.  They were like cool bad parents.  Actually they were more like a worldly-wise older brother who knew all the dirty secrets of life.  Most of the cool kids at school were potheads.  I didn’t have to take drugs to fit in.  Steve and Garry explained to me everything I needed to know about drugs.  My drug knowledge exceeded the most brazen dope fiend’s first hand experience.  Same with sex, or just about anything else a teenager could want to know about.