I own a sexy sweater.  Haters with no appreciation for texture claim it looks like a rug.  Big Red gave it to me.  "Chicks really dig this sweater", he told me.  I trusted his judgment.  Despite his obesity, he had a real knack for getting laid. 

Big Red and I shared an apartment for one year.  We were both trying to slow down.  I needed to hit the books and graduate from college.  He was recovering from a divorce, and a crystal meth habit.  We rode bicycles, played racquetball, and played chess.  That was our entertainment for the year.

That was the simple life.  I didn't even have to work.  Rent was $100/month.  Beat that.  It was a $600/month, two bedroom apartment.  A guy named JR came along.  He was homeless and had a lot of money.  A rare combination indeed.  He wanted his own room, so we charged him $300/month.  Big Red's uncle was in town three days every month.  He anted up $100/month to sleep on the couch.  Some simple math: $300+$100+$100+$100 = $600.

Richard Cheese - Fight for your right.mp3