My first year of teaching, I had no idea what I was doing. I was hired as an elementary school teacher, despite the fact that I had no such training. There was one boy who got on my nerves. They all got on my nerves, but him more than others. He talked like Speedy-Gonzalez. I moved his desk next to mine in an effort to curb his enthusiasm. He drove me crazier. One day, I was teaching some sort of jibjab, and Speedy raised his hand. I did my best to ignore him but he was relentless. Finally he blurted out, “Meester Neill! Meester Neill! There are three baby mouses, and they are looooking at me”. That’s a good one. Stupid kids. I went back to the “lesson”. Speedy raised his hand again. He squirmed in his chair with his eyes crazy big, staring intently at a space between two bookshelves. “Cut it out”, I said, “YOU’RE DISRUPTING MY CLASS.” “But Meester Neill!”, he rants, “There are three baby mouses, and they are looooooooking at me!”. Whatever. I gave him an idol threat and went about the lesson. He says it again, this time in a feverish pitch. What am I gonna do? I had to play along, otherwise it could have gone on all day. So I look at the space between the bookshelves. There were three baby mice. AND THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME! Louis Goslawski, a self proclaimed Nazi, took action. He must have learned this in a terrorist camp: In one fluid motion, Louis picked up all three mice, and held them by the tail. Hell broke looser, as he chased screaming girls. It seemed like hours passed. Finally the Nazi got tired. I found a garbage can, and made him deposit the mice. I tried to go back to the lesson. The mice were making a lot of noise in the garbage can. Thump thump thrash squeak thump. What to do…what to do? I opened the window, and tossed the varmints. Mice must have a low terminal velocity. They continued to run around three stories below, very much alive. Eventually I coaxed the kids back to their seats, and back to being bored.